Catching up while trying to catch my breath...!!

As I checked my mail today it came to me that I have not ventured into the blogosphere in nearly a month. I had a feeling as I began this little hobby that it may go awry during tax season. So I'm taking this opportunity to get current, if even only briefly with a few pix to follow.

Our hearts have been sad and life on the lane has certainly been very quiet. Papa Bug has been in the hospital for a few weeks now recovering from a severe infection. It has weakened him considerably and he needs time to recuperate. I am happy to report though that he is doing much better and should be home on the lane next week if all goes well for him. Your prayers for his continued physical and emotional strength would be greatly appreciated. Speaking of prayers, it is for certain a "God Thing" that I prepare taxes for many members of the clergy. All in various denominations. Hence, Papa Bug has been well covered in prayers these past few weeks. God sure knows just what we need and when we need it. He even works for our good through taxes, this is proof, LOL!!

So, like many people, at night DB and I like to sit and watch home improvement shows. Sitcoms and reality TV are just not for us. The net result, however, has been that we are now in the kitchen giving it a facelift. Right on the heels of our hard work in the living room. I think we are totally out of our minds. Perhaps I should just get rid of the TV and then we can relax! Being a do-it-yourselfer is exhausting and painfully slow. On the flip side it is immensely gratifying when the job is done and our bank account doesn't suffer nearly as bad as hiring all of this work out. I must admit though, this is a job that was SEVERELY overdue. I'll post pix of our re-do's when we are done. But don't hold your breath, it may be awhile.

BW is readying for the big night out, his Jr. Prom. All of his spare money has been being tucked away for this special event. He and his girlfriend and 10 other teens have rented a B-I-G limo. They are very excited, hurry April 24th!

BB is gearing up for lacrosse season to start in two weeks. This is my favorite time of year personally. BB's favorite position is middie, but he is strong in defense also. He plays on a local league and has made so many good friends as a result. Our local state college has an awesome team who is doing very well again this year. Last year on Mother's Day when asked what I wanted to do, I chose to go to a game. It was so much fun and our team won too. I'd happily do the same this year --BIG HINT!

LL continues to get new words in her vocabulary, though I must say it is moving very slowly. She is finally putting two words together! Despite her delay, she certainly knows how to make her needs known. I just wish I could get a full understanding of what she is saying sometimes. I'm almost certain she is babbling in Chinese and I have no idea what she is saying. It is frustrating to me, I can't even imagine how she feels. Her big brothers have been babysitting for her alot lately. I have been working nights and weekends and DB has been working here at the house. She loves time with her Ge-ge's. Last week Mother Nature cruelly dumped a few inches of snow on us and they all made a snowman. When I came home there he was and she was SO proud of her creation.

With 10 days to go until Tax Day, YIKES, I'm rather looking forward to a slower pace. However, with the number of extensions I have to file it may take until June to catch up, LOL!

Roadtrips, Remodeling and Tax Returns, Oh My!...

I can't believe that it has almost been one month since I have last posted to my blog! Time sure flies when you are as busy as we've been, WHEW!

For three weekends in a row DB and BB have had to drive 1 1/2 hours north to our property in the Adirondacks, shovel for 1 hour, then drive back 1 1/2 hours. NOT a fun way to spend your day off at all. But...such is life with property in the beautiful ADK Park. We wouldn't trade it for any other place in the world, despite this seasonal burden. To put things in perspective, on the last trip BB took his snowboard along. His plan was to do some tricks as he rode it off the roof. Well, his fun was cut short as the snow is even with the roofline. No catching air this time BB! Here is a glimpse into what they've had to contend with. Check out all that snow!



In our spare time, we've been busy giving our living room a new look, finally. You see last year during the process of readying our home for LL's arrival we chose a shade of yellow called Summer Field for the walls. As it was going on we became skeptical about the color, but (foolishly) we pressed on. The end result was our learning that yellow is a very reactive color. With the huge window in our living room letting so much light in, we had a drastic difference in what we saw from the color swatch to the reality of what we had to live with. I can laugh now about our faux pas, but at the time we were not so pleased. To put things in perspective, BW used to say that we opened the blinds to let the sunshine OUT, LOL! I'm happy to report that we've transformed the room to a lovely shade of taupe with new furniture, bookcases, shelving, accessories, etc. It is now a pleasure to enter the room and not feel visually offended! LL is enjoying the new room and loves hanging out in the antique hassock.



My post would not be complete if I didn't add this cute photo of LL and her friend, Buttercup. The girls were having tea and LL blew me a kiss, so cute!



With tax season in full swing I've been very busy working nights and weekends, so my posts will not be a plentiful as usual. But DB and Auntie Twin have a birthday to celebrate so we'll have some pix to share. TTFN!

Just Sharing Some Cute Pix...

Just sharing a couple of shots of one of my favorite subjects...

LL's Birthday Celebration

On Saturday the lane was abuzz with activity. It was LL's 2nd birthday celebration with family. Everyone arrived at 1:00 pm. She had no idea what the word party was all about at first. But I'm quite sure she got the idea as the day went on. Particularly when the presents were all for her. Then when I said ice cream she was all smiles. It is so joyful to share all of these firsts with her. Each day that passes I wonder how we ever lived without her.

The meal I planned was a success, but I noticed the snacks I selected for our Chinese New Year theme went mostly untouched. Oh well, at least the kids were adventurous in trying them. In time we'll figure out our favorite items and leave the odd ones on the shelf at the store. For example I chose a lychee fruit that one person explained looked like an eyeball or another said a cyst! YIKES!! No matter LL liked them all, that's what really matters most.

After our meal it was time for presents. LL's Aunts and Uncles really know how to make a little one smile with their gift choices. From Auntie Twin and Uncle Coach she got the cutest ladybug pillow. Many times she has curled up and snuggled into its softness. They also gave her a baby bangle and her first earrings. Soon, she'll be going to get her ears pierced. I'm saving that trip exclusively for Baba and Auntie Twin. Auntie Junebug and Uncle RX got her the sweetest girlie outfits, I'm so excited for her to wear them. Especially the one that has a matching dress for dollie or kitty to wear; along with a sweet white purse. Auntie Ess and Uncle Fixit picked out a perfect doll house that is just her size to play with. Already she has had many hours of pretend play with it. I'm so glad to see her occupying herself more and more everyday. The Higgly Cuzins's picked a sweet sundress with, you guessed it, ladybugs on it! And it matches her squeaky shoes from China. Cuzin' Astro got LL a favorite book that she herself loved as a toddler called, "Going on a Bear Hunt". Slowly LL is learning the hand motions that go with it. Swishy swashy is her favorite so far. Auntie Ke-Ke helped LL get a nice start to her college savings with her generous gift. We cannot wait for Sunday when we all go to the Chinese Spectacular Show and dinner together.

Speaking of Auntie Ke-Ke, my post would not be complete if I didn't mention a classic ML/Auntie Ke-Ke moment that happened. It seems whenever the two of us are together there is generally a moment or two where we end up laughing so hard we just about cry. Well this time it involved the Nian Gao (New Years Rice Cake). Not ever having had this before, we were having a hard time removing it from the plastic container it was served in. The texture of it is similar to that of rubber, really. As I was holding the cake Ke-Ke ran a knife around the edge of it and it slithered right out and fell to the floor. Upon hitting the floor, it bounced up at least 6 inches! There were several of us in the kitchen at the time and we all laughed so hard our stomachs hurt. Naturally this drew the rest of the family out there to witness what had caused this uproar. So we each decided to give it a try, three second rule, no germs got on it. Each concluded that it was basically a non-issue kind of food. The taste is very bland and rather bouncy on the teeth. Even LL didn't care for it either. Guess this is one item we'll rule out of next years menu, LOL!

At the end of the day we settled in and curled up to watch a DVD that Uncle Fix-It and Snapshot made for us of our homecoming from China. This was truly a labor of love from each of them to LL. Years from now this will be priceless to her and it is to us now. We will never be able to thank them enough for this account of her HUGE airport arrival, first hours with her Ge-ge's and exploring her new home. After that it was lights out for all of us. What a delightful day on the lane, precious memories to treasure for a lifetime.

Little Ladybugs Special Dinner

Since yesterday was LL's birthday we went to dinner at a local Chinese Buffet. She still favors the flavor of Chinese food over anything I make. So naturally we indulged her in some familiar foods for her special day. As soon as we arrived she said, "O-o-h!". Then she promptly took her coat off and headed for the buffet. Perhaps she is remembering all those delicious buffet-style meals we had in Hefei, LOL! We have to work on her inside voice and outside voice as she gets a little boisterous and forgets where she is. A good example is her yelling "Ge-ge, Ge-ge!!" (Chinese word for big brother) across the restaurant when she knew he was going to get her some ice cream. If she weren't so darn cute in those little sprout piggytails we may have gotten some nasty looks. But instead she got away with it. Our meal was good, as always, and then it was time for her gift. We chose to give her another kitty. She already has many but they are her absolute favorite thing on the planet. So how could we NOT do it? She also got kitty bubblebath for her spa nights with Mama. Spa night is when she gets a massage with lavender, manicure, pedicure and extra snuggling time before bed. I LOVE these times!!! Sons are awesome but that is one thing they'd never have let me get away with!

On Saturday we are celebrating LL's birthday with family along with the Chinese New Year. Our house is decked out in red. We've got couplets on the doors, Nian hanging in the living room, red lanterns in the kitchen, papercuts on the windows and Lai See (red envelopes) stuffed and ready to give out. I've also made a trip (or two) to the local Asian market and put together a Tray of Togetherness. Plus, we're having rice cake for dessert. Let's hope everyone eats what I've found! I'm just going to tell them to be adventurous and open-minded. And Auntie Ke-Ke is making sushi and fried wontons. How fortunate LL is to have someone so talented (and willing) to add these special touches to the celebration. I'll post more photos when the day is done and I can catch my breath.

I'm off to sweep the last of the dirt out the door (while it's still OK) and let the good luck in. Tonight I am preparing a special fish dinner to celebrate loved one's who've passed away and remember what made them so dear to us. Gung Hay Fat Choy!! That is, "Best Wishes and Congratulations. Have a Prosperous and Good Year!"

Reflections on our Daughters Birthmother...

Today is Little Ladybug's official 2nd birthday, or as close as we'll ever know it to be. We were given this date as her actual birthday due to physical evidence when she was found and brought to the hospital. The particular details we have chosen to keep to ourselves. When LL is old enough to decide to share this it will be her call, not ours to divulge.

So, today LL's birthmother has been on my mind alot. We will never know anything about this person, or LL's birthfather either. If one only knew how this grieves my heart and one day it will grieve my daughters heart even more. What does she look like? Does LL have her eyes, her hair, her smile, her feet? What about him? Did she get her sense of humor from him? Her teasing, playful ways? Were they a couple who had a child that would not have been allowed? Were they praying for a son? Or was her birth the result of a stolen moment between two people not destined to be together forever? Does she have brothers or sisters? Was she the second child of two and not a boy as hoped? Was her birthmother's pregnancy the result of an act of violence committed against her? While I don't dwell on this one, I must accept that it may be true. These are all possibilities and there are many more that I'm sure I haven't even dreamed up. The truth could be none of these and yet another story all together.

Behind all this speculation I feel there is the deep matter of the heart also; a woman gave birth to LL and then made the decision to leave her, alone. Naturally I also wonder about this too. Was this a decision arrived at with relief? A burden no longer one has to bear? Was it with purpose that she left her where she did, simply to be sure she was taken care of? Then did she, the birthmother, move on with her life. Feeling she did the best thing she could for her baby? Or was it a couple who walked their precious daughter to her finding spot. Was it lovingly chosen so that she would be found quickly. Did they hide in the crowd, trying not to be seen, praying that someone would take her immediately for medical care? Did they embrace each other in relief when in private, deeply grieving the daughter they will never know? Again, these are scenarios that in my own mind I see as truly possible based on what I've learned. But so many other ones exist.

There are other feelings too that I am still wrestling with as my adoptive parenting days unfold. That is, I am emotinally tied to two strangers I will never know. They have given me so much and I cannot express my gratitude to them. I cannot give them any peace of mind. I cannot say to them that their decision, regardless of how it came, was one of the best things that ever happened to our family. I cannot give them information about me or DB. Granted they may never want any of this, but the thought lingers in my mind. I so love the child they created and in my heart I love them too. A thread connects my soul to theirs, no matter the circumstance.

So, what does one tell their daughter when the times comes and she asks these difficult questions? I wish I had the perfect answer. I'm certain that ALL adoptive parents feel this same agony. Since we are early on in parenting this beautiful child we have been blessed with, I only know one thing for certain. I will not create a fantasy story for her to cling to. I cannot give her the truth about her past, but I won't tell her a lie either. The best we can do is to help her be proud of her heritage. To learn of her homeland, her home province where she was found. From this she can create an identity that is not based on speculation but truth and facts. I know it will not come close to being enough for her. It certainly is not enough for me either. But it is solid. China is a beautiful country with such a rich history. We have met so many wonderful people who share her heritage. Our journey is just beginning and I embrace what lies ahead. It will not be easy; but I've found the most satisfying moments or events in my life did not come easy. They were hard fought for, sacrifing along the way, hurt and tears came too. But there is no one on earth I'd rather walk beside during these times than my husband and my children. God has blessed me with each one and I thank Him everyday.

So, to LL's birthmother...if your grieving - I pray for your healing. Your daughter will never be alone again. If you are wondering - I pray you find peace. She is the center of our universe and loved beyond measure. If you feel alone without her - I pray that you find someone to walk beside you. Someone who gives you the same measure of joy that this child you have given birth to has brought to us. If this day comes and goes and you have not thought of her - I praise my Heavenly Father above for being merciful to her and bringing her home to us. As each day passes we love her just a little more today then we did yesterday. This kind of all-consuming love comes from You God. And yet, You love us even more. What an awesome God you are!

What a Difference Five Months Makes...

Upon viewing a friends blog today, I realized it has been exactly five months since we have returned from China with our Little Ladybug. I have posted a photo of her in July of 2007 and a recent photo.

As LL's 2nd birthday approaches and Valentine's Day too the word LOVE comes to my mind. The difference that love makes in our lives is easy to take for granted. When you've always had someone who will call you their own, someone to come home to and arms to hold you tight. For the first 19 months of her life LL sat in her crib, with no one to call her their baby. No one to make her feel she was the center of their world. No place to come home to. Five months ago today, that all changed, FOREVER. Oh, the difference that love makes.


Bengbu Social Welfare Institute


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