Four quiet little words...

Today as LL settled down for her nap she was particularly snugly. Most days she goes from total busyness to complete sleep in about 5 minutes flat. Such is my busy toddler. But today she was particularly snugly so I wrapped her in her quilt and sat in the rocking chair with her. This was a regular routine when she first returned home as I felt it critical in the bonding process. Besides who doesn't LOVE the feel of a sleeping baby in their arms! But as time has gone by we both have stopped doing this and I miss it.

As we sat there in the silence just rocking, she snuggled tight up against me and settled down under her quilt, hugging her "Asher Kitty". She took a deep sigh, opened her misty eyes and lovingly in a very sleepy voice said, "I love you Mama".

I know these may seem like routine words to some. But in my heart they will always feel like a gift straight from God. When you have waited for a child through adoption, and I can imagine infertility is much the same, you feel as though you've been given a miracle. We were blessed with two healthy biological sons whom I just "expected" would arrive on time, healthy, and all would be well. They were indeed and I Praise the Lord for His goodness. During those long 659 days that I waited to hold LL for the first time there was not a day that went by that I did not long to see her face, yearn to hold her in my arms and pray unceasingly for her well-being as she lived out her days in an orphanage a world away. So now to hear her speak, in English so clearly, those beautiful words that I waited SO LONG to hear, is still a miracle to me.


I can almost see the Angel wings :)

LL has been home now for nearly 15 months and I find something in her everyday that amazes me. She has opened her little heart to five strangers (and many more now!) and taken us as her own. She has left all that is familiar behind and now we are all she'll ever remember. Some days this grieves me so. I feel badly that we have removed her from the culture that God birthed her in. Though I realize that in her staying, she would never know even a shadow of the life she has now. My commitment to her in this regard is to help her hold tight to her Chinese heritage. We are doing this by attending programs, visiting museums, reading books, and even attempting to learn some Chinese. And most importantly adding some of her Chinese customs to our "old" family customs. This is the best I can do, though I realize it will never be enough to replace what she left behind.

Everyday I find such joy in seeing the relationship grow between her and her brothers. Today in the car she said, "I miss my boys at school". How sweet is that! BW, in his 18-year-old stage in life that is largely all about him, has this special voice he uses--just for her. He has a few pet names too. When he hugs her and nuzzles her, she giggles and squeals with this special laugh that only he can evoke. And there's BB, to her he is the source of all good fun. They run around together, they snuggle and watch movies, and she looks to him to solve her troubles saying, "Mitchell fix it".

I will forever feel we've been given a far greater blessing in adopting her than she will ever receive from us. God is good, all the time He is faithful and good.

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